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Question: I’ve been really down lately, and it has a lot to do with how I look. When I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I feel fat and ugly. I don’t like the way my skin looks, and I don’t think girls will, either. I’m not as athletic as a lot of the guys on campus, and I’m not stylish (and I’m also not one of those guys who looks good even in sloppy clothes).

My goal for the new year is to get control of my appearance and my health a little better. I’ll exercise, obviously, but I also want to take better care of my skin and my hair, dress better, and stuff like that… any tips?

Answer: There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look and feel better. However, it’s important to make sure that your quest for self-improvement comes from a healthy place. You should, of course, take care of your body. And skin care, hair care, and fashion are all worthy pursuits. But if your main motivation is self-loathing, then no amount of advice can get you on the right track, because you’re coming from a place of negativity. College can be rough for those who don’t love their looks, and with eating disorders on the rise among men, we know that male students are far from immune from body image issues. Consider your motives here, and examine the possibility of talking to someone about your fears and self-esteem. Your school has resources to help you.

If you approach a healthy lifestyle from a positive place, you’ll find that you get better results. To get in shape and stay that way, you’ll need more than a crash diet or a few weeks of intense exercise. You’ll need a real and sustainable lifestyle change, and that means healthy foods that fill you up and exercise you’ll want to keep doing.

Turn exercise into a hobby, say instructors at Hillsboro, Oregon’s New Vision Dance. If you truly enjoy your exercise, you’ll be far more likely to stick with it and see results. Try different things–running, organized sports, dance, and more–and see what calls to you. Similarly, try to find foods you enjoy. Add vegetables and whole foods to your diet while cutting back on junk, and try to identify healthy meals that make you feel full and happy.

There is a lot you can do for your skin, say wellness consultants at Fayetteville, New York’s Revitalize CNY. Changing your diet will be a big help on its own, as swapping out greasy foods and eating nutritious meals can make your skin healthier. Clean your face regularly with a gentle cleanser, and look for products from reliable name brands. Choose good brands for your hair products, too, Use shampoo and conditioner. And head to a good hairdresser for your hair and a good spa (really!) for your skin–the pros will give you personalized advice, and you don’t have to be there every week to see results.

As for your personal style, well, keep it personal! Dress in clothes that fit and feel good. A good fit will go a long way toward making you look good in your clothes (as will being at a healthy weight). You’ll find plenty of fashion resources online, but a few basics (solid color tees, for instance) from reputable retailers (skip the big box stores) should be all you need to get started. It’s worth the small investment, because clothes can actually make us feel confident. So while you shouldn’t beat yourself up about your lack of style or come from a place of negativity, it may be possible to create a virtuous cycle in which a positivity-driven choice to improve your fashion sense leads to further self-esteem gains.

Feeling good means looking good, and there are plenty of reasons to invest in your health and your appearance. But remember that it’s a two-way street, and that you have to feel good about yourself before you can really shine. Put a priority on your mindset, and you’ll find that maintaining habits that help your appearance will be a lot easier.

“Respect your body. Eat well. Dance forever.” — Eliza Gaynor Minden